What with the Bafta awards and the launch of the Nintendo 3DS it's been a busy fortnight on the Gamesblog – that's my excuse for not posting a 'Best of' Chatterbox for a while.
So, for your reading pleasure, here is a fortnight's worth of gaming jabber, edited by onedaveofmany and St00. Lots to enjoy here, from Blood Bowl (as usual) to lists, fencing, horrible food and boring movies. Yes! Boring movies!
Come on in, it is perfectly safe...
Monday March 7
There was plenty of Bloodbowl chat to start the week, all HenryPootle's fault for actually being pro-active and organising people into leagues and such. As I type, Goody is anxiously glancing at his 2010 NaN Organisation award and wondering if there's a cup-upset in his future.
There was also plenty of weekend gaming to recount from resurgent Killzone 3 victories to people sampling the recently re-released Beyond Good and Evil HD, and those enjoying the new Black Ops maps and accompanied double XP. However, as if realising that this is not the place to talk about games (despite what the sub-headline tells us daily) chat soon moved on to football blog, with Liverpool's victory over Man Utd dominating much of the talk, and TV blog with many people enjoying Wonders of the Universe. GrizzlyDeer seemed particularly enamoured:
"'In fact, our entire solar system is made up from the droppings of the giant space weasel. Completely invisible to the naked eye, it circles around the universe, searching for jibbler, a strange cheese-like substance of which almost nothing is known. All scientists agree however, that it is most likely very, very tasy.' - An example of something Brian Cox could say and still make me believe it. I love this show."
Talk veered back to games with news of Portal 2's PS3 version coming with a free PC version. CountGinula was not afraid to ask: "What is Portal?" R042 provided arguably the most accurate response, "a good first-person puzzle game based on exploiting momentum and moving through two-way portals, set in a darkly comic science-fiction universe with an acerbic computer providing assistance", though that description didn't do much to enamour the Count to the game.
Late on, HumofEvil broached the subject of Fencing. Anticipating some typical Chatterbox ridicule, he was instead offered plenty of advice – proof that this place can always surprise you. Hum was especially concerned that taking up the hobby would involve owning a sword, but CrispyCrumb clearly set out the rules: "fencing is a gentleman's pastime. Keeping a sword by your bed is a mentalist's pastime."
Cameroon raised the question towards the end of the day about the feasibility of taking on a masters degree alongside his usual job. General concensus was that the workload would be very difficult. Rollmeister advised that, "(in) my personal opinion, a full-time job and full-time masters is probably too much. It may well be doable, but I certainly wouldn't want to try!" Still it is nice to see the good folks of Chatterbox looking to better themselves in ways that don't involve reaching level 80 in WoW.
As if to immediately wipe away this pleasant notion though, the blog quickly turned to literal murder-blog as the day ran out.
And it was all going so well.
Quotes of the day
"Nothing grows as fast as a tramp's beard. Not even bamboo. Incidentally, I cut a lot of mine off yesterday. Like, two inches. By mistake."
Fantomex compares himself to a homeless person, to no one's surprise.
"Roger Moore.... now there is a man"
SerenVikity again wins the annual gender identification competition.
"My great Granddad fought in a war so I could sit in my pants on a Monday afternoon and watch Doctors."
HereComesTreble enjoys the benefits of winning blogger of the year.
Shrove Tuesday March 8
Pancake day, "That créped up on us" (PicPicPic), was the opportunity for Chatterboxers to discuss their favourite combinations of accompaniments for the battered goodies. CunningStunt revealed he likes his with cheese and beans, whereas St00 takes it all very seriously:
"Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner and pudding. It's 'DAY' for a reason people, ALL day. Lemon and sugar, civilised like. I'm not Amerkin'."
HereComesTreble also got in to the spirit of things... sort of: "I had an omelette for breakfast, which, when you think about it, is sort of like a big egg pancake". Marie2490 hates pancakes but if she ever decides to make them then scientists have revealed an equation for the production of the perfect crepe: 100 - [10L - 7F + C(k - C) + T(m - T)]/(S – E).
This formula neatly relates to the horror that is Excel Blog. The least said the soonest mended. Or as StiLted so eloquently put it: "If it was possible to yawn so hard that your face turned inside out, I would be doing so. Where would you be then hey? Sitting there with inside out face on your conscience that's where
Shrove Tuesday coincided with International Women's Day. HateMale felt it was appropriate to recognise all the valuable things that men have given women over the years to help balance out the day: "We even gave you dishwashers. Hairdryers. Ponies. The Clap." To which SerenVikity responded: "I forgot about all those things that men did for me. The pony with clap came as a bit of a surprise but rubbing some ointment on Muffin did the trick."
As part of International Women's Day blog, IntraVenus revealed that Leona Lewis had been voted the most influential woman of the last century. I demand a recount as surely it's Susan Boyle (well my vote counted for nothing then – 1918 was supposed to make my opinions matter).
Games were also mentioned on Tuesday. Although there were discussions on KZ3, Blood Bowl, ME2 and GT5 (CatZilla even managed an indepth discussion about games manufacturers and payment for online multiplayer), it was one game that had 'boxers quivering in anticipation: Dino D-Day. Makar's excitement was palpable: "There is a clip of someone fighting a T Rex with his fists. Brilliant."
Quotes of the day
"Quoting Gilbert & Sullivan. A new low."
Sheep2 to HenryPootle. [Is that really a new low? – Keef]
"=IF(C40=1,IF(ISBLANK(C4),"",C11/C12),IF(AC40=2,(IF(ISBLANK(C4),"",C11/C12)*0.95),IF(ISBLANK(C4),"",C11/C12)))"
Simian. (That's a special request from akaSilky.)
Wednesday March 9
So we enter the mid-game, the hump, a hill of chat from which the only way is down – something the contributors of chatterbox know more than enough about. The day started with some brief discussion of the Gunners exit from Europe the night before, however with a distinct lack of Arsenal fans around, the mood was of general apathy and of the conclusion that the better team had gone through. Despite UncleBen and Makar's efforts late on to stir up some debate there were few willing to bite.
The morning continued with a somewhat undignified discussion – for which we can blame Weecooper – regarding the various romantic opportunities available in the Mass Effect universe. Killerbee did point out that, "your ME1 love interest's picture is on your desk in the Captain's Quarters when you start, but once you start getting friendly with someone else in the second game, the photo frame gets pushed over." Proof that games are edging ever closer to that other artistic and valid medium – soap operas.
A mention of David Cameron's appearance on the One Show opened a gateway to politics-blog. There was a fair amount of Tory hate (shocking for the Gruniad, I know) [it's Grauniad! What an ironic type! – Keef] but there was more than enough reserved for the other two parties as well. In fact, the whole discussion remained (reasonably) tame and good natured, once again proving what a freakish anomaly of the internet the Chatterbox can be at times – I mean everyone even forgot to compare each other to Hitler.
StiLteD entered the chat mid-morning with some very positive feedback on his newly acquired 3D TV. In addition to being impressed by Killzone 3, he waxed lyrical about Super Stardust HD as well: "The 3D effects on it are truly superb. When your ship blows up, the debris properly blows out of the TV at you. Remarkably well done. A couple of the BIG incoming asteroids had me madly ducking in surprise".
However, his effusing didn't seem to do too much to sway the general blog scepticism about the technology – but proved a diverting enough talking point for a while.
The afternoon was largely taken up with a variety of smaller topics, none of which lingered long in the mind. The news that the PSN would be down for the night, therefore putting a quash on any online plans, didn't help and the blog sort of limped over the finish line in a wave of chat-static. It may not have been pretty, but we made it.
Quotes of the day
"Tim - If we lived in a society like that depicted in Minority Report you would've been locked up a long time ago."
SirGiggedy says what everyone is thinking.
"The girl I work with – the one that tried to implicate me in her fraud – said she thought I was her guardian angel yesterday. She said she had a dream about me rescuing her from quicksand. She's quite obviously away with the fairies."
SerenVikity continues to make up stories from her imagined sitcom of a job.
Thursday March 10
Page 1: Bloodbowl. Page 2: Bloodbowl. Page 3: Bloodb...Zzzzzzzzzz...
"Whats the most disgusting thing you've ever eaten?" Bertjansch asked before telling of his surprise at opening a, "Pig's face baguette at a motorway cafe near Malaga... oh, hello, heres Porky Pig whiskers and all."
Our token Bahrain-based blogger Jaykelly's delicacies of "Tripe soup" and "Fish head curry" both sound pretty tasty, but Chubster takes the prize for me with his Chicken feet – the problem not being the taste, but that: "...spitting out chicken knuckles isn't my idea of a good time." Indeed. I was just amazed and disappointed someone didn't bring up egg and prawn sandwiches.
Intra brought up her upcoming girly sleepover; Seren piped up, saying she had never experienced the pleasures of such an event. Naturally, some people's imaginations took it too far... for some bloggers it seems, thoughts of a girly pillow fight is not a Mid-morning Matter.
Somewhere, a tiger killed a lion... reminding me of my old job of staging fights to answer the age old questions like: "Which would win in a fight between a bear and a slightly vexed honey badger?"
CatnameBlog? Really? Really? I mean, names for your cat? No, it's never going to stoop that low surely...what?...Oh.
ElvishBlog? No chance? I mean, talking in elvish? No, it's never going to stoop that low surely...what?...Oh.
Decal got shouty, he had a fair point though. AcidSnake was talking about "organising" a game of Bad Company 2 and "Tic-Tacs", and people calmly waiting for everyone to be ready to play and other such witchcraft instead of just charging forwards blindly running into the opposing force. It's always easy to spot a Non-NaNer.
...Zzzzzzzz....dbowl, Page 14: Bloodbowl, Page 15: Bloodbowl.
Quotes of the day
"6 pages before half 11? Jesus."
My thoughts exactly, PicPicPic
"Jellied eel served on toast. Ich nichte lichte."
BarryEans. It's Deutsche Johan, but not as we know it.
Friday March 11
This morning, news of the earthquake and tsunami spread around the world. Thoughts went out to those with family and friends in the area, and to our bloggers on the Pacific Rim.
The morning also a post-mortem of last night's NAN clan action. Typical NAN clan tears were shed over the regular NAN versus Eurogamer BFBC2 matches, with the most common complaint being that the opposition had people who knew how to play the game. This seemed to outweigh the other complaint that someone had hacked a console to use a steamroller, or some such nonsense.
There was also fallout from the Killzone 3 games too. Seemingly someone on the NAN clan had learned a similar trick of hacking a steamroller into Mawlr Graveyard, giving NAN a 7-0 win on that map. Take a screenshot of that now, we may never see the likes again.
In a move away from his cloning of Tony Hayers, HereComesTreble has started an entirely original writing piece for the gamesblog - The Complete Moron's Guide to Blood Bowl. His first tip was to restart diceblog and point out the difference between red and white dice. More of this every day next week, he threatened.
And it's not like Cunningstunt doesnt have his uses. Frequently he attends pub quizzes and wows us with his knowledge, or in this case, posing the Friday question - Which Film Has The Best Battle Scene? It's things like this that get the Gamesblog's blood boiling. Is it Zulu? Is it Saving Private Ryan? Is it Bourne Ultimatum? But the Gamesblog trumps all, with SirGiggidy's quip: "Best Battle – Crispycrumb fumbling his first 1 v 1 with BigWorv on Killzone".
Of course, that's not all you'll find up Cunnings sleeve – or, if you'll excuse the expression, under his patio. 'The most boring film' was trooped out, and amongst the usual suspects was Lost in Translation [Noooooooo! How can a film with Bill Murray AND scarlett johansson IN Toyko be boring? – Keef], Lord of the Rings, 2001, The Hours, The New World and Eyes Wide Shut (proof that the blog has mostly poor taste – Dave). Although Limni summed it up best with "There are a lot of film idiots around today", I think he meant to include Tom Cruise in that statement too.
The blog then turned to holiday advice. BigWorv is heading for Rome, and apart from avoiding the football hooligans, the best advice came from CrispyCrumb, "Rome? Don't attempt a Leap Of Faith." I think the same holds true for Jerusalem.
Monday March 14
Monday came the void. Wholly cold and unsavoury, like a strange clammy hand that you don't recognise, somewhere uncomfortable. Something was wrong, very wrong. Devoid of their spiritual home, the Gamesblog refuges quickly took up residence in an old abandoned chatterbox and reminisced about times when this was a regular occurrence, hoping to use humour to quieten their unspoken discomfort. Discordant, forced laughs, echoed all too loudly until finally, a box did birth itself mewling on to our collective internet laps. [Look, I've said sorry! – Keef]
Clearly mindful of his tardiness Keef tried to steer the conversation towards 5 specific topics, this was never going to happen, but nice try, you poor, deluded man. [Worth a try – Keef]
Onedaveofmany believed Keefs motives went slightly deeper: "A valiant effort, but I suspect your ulterior motive is wanting a shot at the 'Most On-Topic' category at next year's awards. Shameless."
Much of the early chat revolved around Fanto's assertion that it was, um, 'Steak Day'. This was discussed in some depth, prompting some less liberated box regulars to take a day off from the action. Turns out that even in the chatterbox there are limits! Who knew?
The Blood Bowl juggernaut rumbled (Shouldn't that be 'rambled'?) on, gradually engulfing more and more forum inhabitants. When even Limni and HereComesTreble arrive for the day cursing the name of Nuffle, the end cannot be far away.
Talk of the nursery league and the new coaches finding their feet filtered in throughout the day, with Rollmeister considering the Cunningstunt approach to Blood Bowl: "What's the biggest cheat team going? What will I get most abuse for?"
Blood Bowl agony aunts, Crispycrumb and Henrypootle jumped in during the afternoon, fielding questions relating to team value, dice rolls, inducements and defence.
Stilted summed up the confusion of many, as follows:
"Blood Bowl chat – impenetrable dice blog crossed with PES blog, with the volume of 'at peak' Demon Souls blog."
Rugby popped up late on in the day, with questions on the laws coming from bitter Scots fans. The day wound down with a spot of Timthemonkey baiting from EnglishRed indicating that, finally, all was right with the blog once more:
"Let's hope the Saga of Tim never gets written down because Murphy's Law dictates that if civilisation as we know it was ever destroyed then the sole surviving history of these days would be that book. It would screw future history forever – the Aliens would think we were a race of asexual beings obsessed with cartoons about cheaply made toys."
Games: Blood Bowl, Two Worlds 2, Mass Effect 2, Killzone 3, BFBC2, Black Ops and Dragon Age 2
Films: Scott Pilgrim Vs the World
TV: Breaking Bad, Wonders of the Universe, Spaced and Bored to Death
Books: Shadows of the Apt
Tuesday March 15
Tuesday AM found favoured Gamesblog journo, Keef in some wondrous fantasy world, full of amazing space creatures, scantily clad woman and a feeling of complete contentment, as well a nagging feeling that he could probably fly. The worries of the world were alleviated and there was an utter absence of any shoes about to drop. A squealing, squeaking noise began in the back of Keef's mind, permeating his consciousness. It began to sound more like an alarm... an alarm?
Keef awoke with a start, his heart pounding. Glancing at his Rolex, the realisation that he'd overslept hit him like one of Timthemonkey's chat up lines. Discarding his Chinese silk pyjamas, his valet hurriedly dressed him and passed him his civet coffee. Sprinting from the house grounds, he spoke to his chauffeur. "This is all Greg's fault. I knew I shouldn't have signed off on that leave request."
[All very amusing, but if I see any of you clambering over the walls and staring in through my windows again, I'll set my security staff on you – Keef]
After he'd regained his composure and managed to right click the 'Post Today's Chatterbox' button, Keef announced plans to start a regular Guardian Games Chatterbox mulitplayer night. This was met with a mix of griping about family life and firm, instant replies to the positive. St00 pointed out that there were benefits to an official, Guardian sanctioned mulitplayer games night: "Official multiplayer night is a great idea as long as it's not a Thursday. It'll give me an excuse to use to my wife, "I have to play, it's Official."
Keef's input in the Monday blog seemed to have a lasting financial effect on some, such as SirGiggidyMMVIII:
"After yesterdays blog I seem to have ended up with a Sony Experia, pre orders for a 3DS, an Ipad 2 and also the new build for Dwarf Fortress. I hope you're on commission Keef."
[Yes, I have already ordered my Pagini Huayra – Keef]
The blog went unusually highbrow for a while, discussing band names with an 'adult entertainment' slant to them. Bloggers plumbed the depths of their depraved and twisted minds, with lowlights such as [Oh, for Heaven's sake! – Keef] amongst many of the more stomach twisting 'I needed to look it up on the internet, but my work filtered it' suggestions.
EnglishRed was the first to crack: "Porn names? Really? We've all had a drink, time to go home now." Sorry Red, it's not even lunchtime yet.
Unusually, gaming was brought up – Blood Bowl and the newly released Shogun: Total War 2 were hot topics. Blood Bowl is becoming a recent favourite [No, really? – Keef] with a few of the newer chatterbox community, but we won't dwell on that because as we all know, 'This isn't the place to discuss games'.
Hairy Nipples.
Post luncheon, there was some talk about the ongoing Cheltenham Festival and some bloggers were dishing out tips. A note for the future; taking financial or betting advice from the bloggers may be a poor choice indeed, with FerrisSaved managing to pick a single winner with his tips and Scamander who managed nought out of three. I don't think there'll be many bloggers on the millionaire list next year, thanks to gambling winnings.
The afternoon was subdued by blog standards. A few more impatient residents asked why Tuesday was taking so long. Existential answers aside, the end would come eventually, but no one seemed to believe it would happen.
HereComesTreble popped in late doors to comment on the fashion sense of Yorkshirefolk: "I haven't seen anyone in Leeds today wearing cufflinks. Can you believe that? Not a single person."
And that was that.
Shortly after, and despite rumours to the contrary, Tuesday did indeed, end.
Wednesday March 16
Day three of Greg Howson's holiday from Chatterbox duty, and whether by luck or judgement, Mr. Keith Stuart esq. managed to deliver a 'NooBox', just in time for the start of the working day. Things were looking up and floggings could now cease.
Perhaps even more surprising was the Gamesblog collectively indulging in gaming related chat, prompted by a recent article's bold claim that Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood was The Best Game Ever.
Naturally, any internet statement, airing one person's subjective opinion is best responded to by similarly subjective opinions, as to why the original point of view is patently wrong and moreover, ignorant and offensive. It's also a fine opportunity to indulge in another favourite pastime of the blog: making lists. Accordingly, although there was consensus that 'AssBroHo', as the game is affectionately abbreviated, is indeed a very fine game, it was determined to be FACT that Final Fantasy VII, Diablo II, Civilization 2, Ocarina of Time and ICO, amongst others, are better.
Vegetunks9000 argued a strong case in favour of Mass Effect 2 being the best game ever, maintaining, that watching one cut scene alone, made him spill his pink gin: "so good it took two boxes of kleenex to get my chest clean." You have to admit, gaming doesn't get much better than that.
Games: Blood Bowl, Mass Effect 2, Dragon Age 2, Killzone 3
Thursday March 17
St. Patrick's day, apparently. A day generally characterised by the attendance of church services, according to wikipedia; a happy excuse to drink Guinness all day according to St00. The chatterbox decided to celebrate it in a different way, by reminiscing about old TV shows, giving tips about hairstyles, groom speeches and by talking at length about fantasy American football. So the usual then.
Nor'n Irish regular, and current Blogger of the Year™ HereComesTreble, wasn't having the best St. Patrick's day, proclaiming that: "If I hear one more bad Irish joke, I'm going home to get drunk on my own."
Whether he was actually in a pub at the time of the post, or drinking at work wasn't made clear. He also seemed concerned with the upcoming Ireland versus England Rugby Union match, stating that: "If England win I'll step out in front of a bus."
There is nothing like a bit of perspective, and that definitely wasn't it.
Other 'boxers gave insight into their own bleak existences. R042 shared the happy news that: "I'm off to the pub tonight following a meal at Nandos with friends, there's always something to look forward to." You can draw your own conclusions from that – either he's an eternal optimist, or that he really hasn't got much going on in his life.
On the other hand, Timthemonkey seemed to have escaped a life of grinding poverty in the bleak wastes of the North East, exclaiming how:
"They don't have National Geographic mags in Hartlepool, we were lucky to get Shoot! when I were a lad."
The Chatterbox's resident Methuselah, HenryPootle, was on hand to put that comment into stark contrast, however, boasting how the night before: "I didn't actually play any games. I did make a potato and leek souffle though. It was a roaring success"
Throw some R042's way Mr. Pootle, he needs something to cheer him up.
The rest of the day was taken up with two of the Chatterboxers' favourite topics, old TV shows and Blood Bowl. The day deteriorated into chat about Goblins scoring touchdowns interspersed by reminiscences of Harold Bishop, this included a poignant post from SerenVikity:
"Remember when Harold disappeared.... leaving only his big, plastic spectacles floating in a rock pool? I think I cried."
Saint Patrick would have been so proud.
Quotes of the day
"Sitting in a pub on St. Patrick's Day, ignoring people, posting on an games forum. I pray to God that this is the low point"
HereComesTreble takes stock of where his life is going.
"Remember when Joe Mangle's wife Kerry was shot by a hunter who mistook her for a duck? It's a different world"
JohnnyCarnage mistaking Neighbours for a documentary about antipodean life.
"Ben, unbelievably has got even dirtier"
Goody84 talking about PES2011 again. I hope
And so, like a glue factory reject we hobble lamely on to to Friday, surely the greatest of the weekdays, hopeful of a weekend lasting longer than that last drunken black out and more memorable than this week's prose.
Friday March 17
Friday's chat started with eloquent words of sage advice for Keef, from AlexP, regarding this week's late starts:
"Come on, man up."
Luckily, this late appearance didn't confuse too many bloggers and normal service was resumed before anybody wrote a strongly worded letter to their MP, or set fire to something.
The previous night's gaming was, as usual, discussed in some detail. Mainly, this consisted of Killzone 3, which seems like it may be a staple of NaN Thursdays for a while yet, along with the usual suspects of PES, Blood Bowl and BFBC2.
Throughout the day, many new and upcoming releases were mentioned. Homefront was released on Friday with some picking this up and some undecided. Idoru managed to sneak in a quick blast on the subject and posted his initial thoughts for all to see. His informed 'insider' verdict?
"Obviously too early to say"
Crysis 2 also seems to be nibbling away at many a blogger's resolve. There were also some local folks looking further into the future, towards Gears of War 3. Those with a penchant for overly massive space marines running around a world full of chest-high walls, got very excited by this prospect. Some were also talking of picking up Topspin 4, and this served to prompt some ace tennis nostalgia from the big-hitting blog old guard, BigWorv and TonyHayers.
The afternoon saw a quite irregular and wholly unexpected return to listblog, after an offhand comment from Treble opened the floodgates:
"I actually think list blog is one of the better blogs."
Whether this was welcome or not, many took the opportunity to post lists with remarkable fervour. Gangster films, space films, cheeses, westerns, favourite lists. Faced with the listblog shotgun pointed squarely at them, people started talking, seemingly unable to stop themselves. My personal favourite was StiLteD's cheese list:
"Dutch Smoked x 9 Boursin"
Friday finished with some idle banter on a variety of subjects: Tim's job, work hours and the blog's favourite adult film performer. "She seems like quite a sweet girl," said RustyJames.
The tail end of Friday read very much like people winding down for the weekend, or rather asleep at their keyboards. Words came difficultly, it seemed.
And so the week drew to a close with the shadow of Monday's stark reminder, of the impermanence of our internet ramblings, seemingly forgotten. Everyone departed to do whatever it is they do with their weekends, safe in the knowledge that they'd all be back hooting into the abyss come Monday morning. That is of course if there's a working alarm clock, where it's needed most....
If you don't get what you want, you suffer; if you get what you don't want, you suffer; even when you get exactly what you want, you still suffer because you can't hold on to it forever. Your mind is your predicament. It wants to be free of change, free of pain, free of the obligations of life and death. But change is a law, and no amount of pretending will alter that reality.
End game
Join the official Gamesblog spotify list and share your own favourite tunes. Last addition – 'Shape of things' by the Yardbirds.
Check the Gamesblog wiki for everyone's game tags and more!
This double 'Best of' was edited by St00 and onedaveofmany. It was written by onedaveofmany, SerenVikity, Smellavision, TJVS, Simian, Bobbobbob, Killerbee, EnglishRed and SandySleaze.
"Life must be understood backward. But it must be lived forward."
Soren Kierkegaard
