I love you, Rio Ferdinand, even though I know I shouldn't. Ever since that June day last year when you signed off your first tweet with "let da fun commence", things have never really been the same for me. Normally I steer clear of footballers' twitter accounts. The spelling is dreadful, the content mundane ("Just arrived at Tesco" - Liverpool FC's Lucas Leiva) and there is A LOT of quacking on about the referee.
But you are different from the rest, Rio - never afraid to tackle the issues that matter, whether it be current affairs:
"Twitter+facebook(social media)played a significant role in the revolution in Egypt.We are involved(if not directly)in a powerful #movement !"
"Take me out is on....love this show! Since blind date+cilla was taken off our screens I've been waiting for a show to take its cheers paddy!!!"
There is always room for improvement, however, so here are some top tips for you.
Spice up the Rio Q&As
The Rio Q&A sessions, where you answer questions from your followers, are too football-centric. "Who is your quickest team-mate?", "What is the best game you have ever played in?" These questions belong on Match of the Day. Instead, you should be answering things like "Who is the mother of Cristiano Ronaldo's baby?" "Does Wayne Rooney have a spotty bum?" "Who is the hottest wag?" Give us a little sugar, Rio!
Show your sensitive side
Because this "If I have a daughter+she wants to get married+asks for the budget of a gypsy wedding she'll get drop kicked then told to wake the hell up!!" won't do.
Quit the tweet-flirting
I saw you last week with Lily Allen, Rio. It all began innocently enough. You'd both had a bad day with cancelled trains and shared your commuter hell stories. Next thing I know, you're saying "That stew your mum cooked(on your show)looked noice...should of invited me round for the family dinner a bit earlier 2day+let me polish it!" and organising a Come Dine With Me night. Footballers and pop stars don't mix, Rio. Ask Ashley.
Keep that inquiring mind going
You play for the biggest football club in the world and have more than 689,000 followers in your #twitfam. You have clout. Don't be afraid to keep asking the questions that matter, Rio. We never did get an answer to this: "How come whenever anyone moves in eastenders with huge suitcases....they lift them like they are lifting a bag a feathers!?" More please.
Stop with the text speak
You're a grown man. Write like one.
Lots of love
@scouserachel (Rachel Roberts)
P.S. call me.
