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Say what you like about Tyler Perry – that his insistence on shoving his name into the title of all his films belies a dangerously fragile ego, for example, or that his compulsion to dress up as a fat old lady at every opportunity suggests a tragic dearth of ideas – but you can’t deny that he knows right from wrong.

As a devotee of Oprah Winfrey, Tyler Perry will stop at nothing to emotionally manipulate his audiences into heeding his worldview. This is something that’s bound to continue in his new film, Tyler Perry’s Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counsellor. Yes, look, ignore the fact that his name’s in the title, and also that the title makes the film sound like the last VHS to be looted from the adult section of a post-administration Blockbusters. All that matters is that Tyler Perry has something profound to tell you about the nature of infidelity. The first trailer for Tyler Perry’s Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counsellor has just appeared online, so let’s all sit back and see what important lessons Perry has to teach us:

First we meet a woman at the end of her tether. Why is she at the end of her tether? Glad you asked. It’s because she’s a lowly schmo at a big firm, and all she wants is her own marriage counselling practice.

Also, one of her co-workers is an android modelled on Kim Kardashian. Her circuits have got damp, and she’s seized up mid-sentence. Rewiring her isn’t going to be fun, I tell you.

But mostly what has taken this woman to the end of her tether is her husband. Look at him, with his bad eyesight and his love of books and his decent job as a chemist or a vet or something. Ugh. He’s the worst. Books, for god’s sake. Books! Ugh!

However, the young lady’s world is turned around when this well-dressed man strolls into the office. Who could he possibly be?

Well, according to Kardashibot 4000, he’s “Ber lorgist sozyulmeedya invuntuh zinzuckaberr”, which I think means “the largest social media inventor since Zuckerberg”. Stupid Kardashibot 4000.

Fortunately, this social media inventor has taken time out from his spluttering, smoke-filled social media laboratory to share an elevator with our heroine. The sexual tension is palpable, at least until he farts and giggles like a little boy as the doors close.

Even though she’s married, the social media inventor decides that our heroine must be his. He woos her the only way he knows how – by taking his top off, wrapping a string of sausages around his abdomen and sneaking up behind her.

It works! Later, on his private jet, the inventor plants a kiss on our heroine and she doesn’t resist. No wonder. Unlike her stupid husband, this guy hates books. And he’s rich and his eyes work. He’s a step up and no mistake. Her mother will be so proud when she tells her that she’s leaving her husband for a social media inventor. Or at least she will be once she’s been convinced that “social media inventor” is an actual thing. It isn’t a thing, by the way. It obviously isn’t.

They make love, and it’s beautiful. Well, maybe not beautiful. It’s the kind of thing that Mills & Boon cover illustrators would reject for being too cheesy. Anyway, they’re making love is my point. Now she can leave her husband and ...

Oh, wait. It looks like he’s boiled her up in a great big cauldron, like a witch would. There’s your moral, then. Never cheat on your husband because your new lover will kill you and eat you. Or maybe it’s that people who read books are statistically less likely to be cannibals. Or maybe it’s that all Kim Kardashian robots have been programmed to bring about your doom. It’s definitely one of those. Probably. I don’t know.