Calling this latest incarnation of one of cinema's favourite disaster narratives "Paul WS Anderson's second best film" (Event Horizon remains his high-water mark) sounds like damning with the very faintest of praise. But at least this explosively stupid swords'n'sandals'n'scorchin' lava hotchpotch does exactly what it says on the tin. Thus, after a now obligatory opening massacre-seen-from-a-child's-eye-perspective (no historical drama is complete without one), we find Kit "Fit" Harington – hot from the set of Game of Thrones – flexing his ample oily pecs at pouty, floaty Emily Browning while Kiefer Sutherland chews the digital scenery and Vesuvius rumbles away in the background. And then in the foreground. When the 3D lava comes, it's satisfyingly OTT, but no one gets turned to toast without being given a moment to audition for next year's pantomime season. Rubbish, then, but laughable rubbish – often more "with it" than "at it". Titter ye, indeed.