If I mention the National Centre for Social Research I doubt you will be very thrilled, but bear with me. Tucked between percentages showing our plummeting faith in financial institutions and a touching belief in social mobility are some intriguing statistics on women and body confidence. It’s satisfying and uplifting to learn that 71% of women aged 50-64 are entirely happy with the way they look. That’s a whole 8% higher than the figure for women aged 18-34. But which of these two groups is the one you see posting the ubiquitous “selfie” all over the place?

I totted up my own selfies and there was one of my right eye (to show an eyeliner flick I was particularly proud of), one of me heavily disguised in a hat and dark glasses in France, and the one I took after my thrilling Illamasqua makeover (see main image). In fact, there aren’t many selfies of women in the older age groups at all and I wonder why that is. Personally, I don’t like the feeling of exposure that comes with a picture of myself – it feels like those anxiety dreams where you turn up at a smart party without your knickers – I expect someone to point and laugh or say something rude.

But I think there’s a deeper issue because whenever I do, say or tweet anything shamelessly self-promoting, I can sense my mother discreetly leaning over my shoulder to whisper: “Don’t show off, darling. It’s not nice.” My generation, and those before us, were conditioned against any kind of narcissistic behaviour. We were taught how to be the assistant stage managers in life’s theatre; we were the support for the star turn (usually a man). Excessive modesty is quite a handicap to pass on, but the world has changed.

Facebook, Twitter and the rest can all be outlets for self-promotion of some kind, whether it’s a mere selfie or details of the latest book/film/fashion line you are putting out. So perhaps the dearth of older women joining in isn’t just the way we look but feelings of inadequacy, failure and defeat because we think we don’t have those things to promote. Let alone a thigh gap, or a flawless Wake-up Call face.

So should older women be staking our own claim on the visible media map? We complain that we are invisible, that we don’t see ourselves reflected back by advertisers or on the telly, but perhaps we should lead by example and show that growing older is a wonderful, liberating opportunity for reinvention, to let go of some things while embracing others. Women north of 50 complain that adverts directed at our age group are often patronising and fashion houses don’t get us, but if we maintain our low profile, is that partly our fault? And it’s not because we’re not tech-savvy – our generation invented the internet, Apple and the rest.

Women in their sixth and seventh decades are enjoying the peace of mind and self-assurance that comes with growing older, but we are not sharing this. We should stick our noses over the barricades, stop being quite so prickly and defensive, and pirouette out to show the next generation that it’s all going to be just fine. And maybe take a selfie or two while we’re at it.

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