On the stage

Manchester: Sinkane, at the Deaf Institute. These guys blend funk, slide guitar and synths, genre-bending their way all from Brooklyn to our fair shores.

Glasgow: Banks, at the O2 ABC. She was a Guide cover star earlier this year, and makes sad-girl synthy pop like her life depends on it.

London: Savages and Bo Ningen, at Oval Space. Savages’ raw energy, plus Bo Ningen’s acid punk madness equals a 38-minute track collaboration, performed live. Read our interview, to help make sense of it all.

On the screen

The Apprentice, 9pm on BBC1. Is anyone still watching this show? If so, half of them are going to New York this week, to sell soft drinks.

Great Continental Railway Journeys, 9pm on BBC2. For something more cerebral, turn over for Michael Portillo following George Bradshaw’s 1913 guide through Poland. Century-old tips sound grand, sure.

Confessions of a Copper, 10pm on Channel 4. A look back at simpler times for the police force. This is rather nicely timed, after news broke yesterday that UK police are failing to report about 800,000 crimes. Hmm.

I’ll leave you with this new tune, from band Sunny Day in Glasgow. A seventh thing to do tonight could be simply playing it on a loop, stretched out on the floor and imagining you’re a coming-of-age film protagonist. Sorted.

Earlier today, we shouted into Twitter’s abyss and asked to know which UK shows you would never want to see remade for US audiences. To be fair, we’ve been burned before.

Here’s what some of you said:

Oof. The public have spoken.

Peter Kay’s comedy might be on its way back to UK screens. At a charity event over the weekend, Kay apparently told fans to keep an eye out for an announcement about the show, “sometime in the next 10 days”.

Oh, right. Any time over the next week? Consider this an almost-news story, in that case. This isn’t the first time rumours have swirled about a third series, either.

We’ve got a handful of songs to get stuck into. Some come from acts you might not have heard yet, but are worth getting into. Let’s go:

The Milk – Deliver Me

From: Wickford, Essex

Sounds like: Amy Winehouse as a dude, fronting a soul band

What we said: “A frisky cocktail of subversive soul-pop”

All We Are – I Wear You (Years and Years rework)

From: Liverpool

Sounds like: A throaty croon trying to hook up with your eardrums

What we said: A trio from Ireland, Norway and Brazil, via the Liverpool Institute for Performing Arts, they’ve described their music as “psychedelic boogie” and by one critic as “the Bee Gees on diazepam”

Oceaan – Candour

From: Manchester

Sounds like: Subwoofers on overdrive, James Blake on uppers

What we said: “Oceaán knows how to make stunning music that will make you melt and want to float away”

American Wrestlers – I Can Do No Wrong

From: Glasgow

Sounds like: Shiny, happy lo-fi indie

What we said: Nothing yet – they only just signed to Fat Possum records

The foul-mouthed rapper is calling on fans to remix single Chasing Time off her Broke with Expensive Taste album, for a cool £6388 (or $10,000). The track’s stems are up on BitTorrent Bundle and SoundCloud, and Banks will be picking the winner herself.

If you want some of that corporate remix money, what on earth are you still doing reading this post? Hop to it: the competition closes on Monday 15 December.

Please tweet us directly if you’re planning a slowed-down drone version of the track. The world needs it. My ears need it.

First, they forced us to have their album on iTunes. Then Bono chucked his two-pence into the neverending thinkpiece vortex of Spotify versus Taylor swift stories. Earlier this week, we asked what near-death misfortune would befall Bono next.

Now, they want your money. The band are releasing a “visual counterpoint” to album Songs of Innocence – good luck competing with Beyonce on that one guys, but do your thing. Unlike the free album, this collection of videos will set you back £7 (or £9 if you’re going HD).

Well, not for a little while yet. A September 2015 60-year anniversary episode is due to be filmed and aired live, according to Radio Times. It’ll surely be a time to scale the lofty heights of the finest soap opera acting, and not at all ripe ground for line flubs, awkward timing gaffes and that split-second flash of fear when someone’s running the scene into the ground.

This format has been used before in telly, mostly as a way to rake in ratings when shows are struggling a little. Remember any of these?

Eastenders

As if you could forget character Stacey admitting to killing Archie, on the show’s 25-year anniversary. If none of that means anything to you, enjoy this YouTuber’s no doubt painstakingly produced compilation of all the show’s errors. Wow.

ER

Bucking the usual trend, ER went live before the show had started to slip. Look, George Clooney’s still on the set!

Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps

Want to cringe your way through this series seven episode of Two Pints of Lager? Sure you do.

30 Rock

Weirdly, for a show that managed to be hilarious for 90% of its time on-air, the NBC comedy’s live episodes always felt dry. As neurotic actress Jenna Maroney, Jane Krakowski asks the hard questions in this show intro: “Why do a 30 Rock live show?”

Right. The Marley family are launching a “global cannabis brand.” If this thing fails, the “goes up in smoke” jokes will be unbearable.

Rest assured, hundreds of people have already weighed in on Guardian US’s written story about it. If you have an opinion, tweet it in.

The pouty pop star crosses over into film again, after featuring on The Great Gatsby’s film soundtrack last year.

This time round, she’s got two songs lined up for Burton’s Big Eyes biopic – which is out in the UK on Boxing Day, in case you and the family feel like sneaking leftover turkey sandwiches into the cinema to watch some artsy drama.

She’s penned mid-film track Big Eyes and end-credits closer I Can Fly, according to The Hollywood Reporter. Maybe, after her Oscar snub last year, these will be the ones to earn her a fancy statuette. Hear her Grammy-nominated Gatsby tune Young and Beautiful below.

Film-making, warehouse-loving electronic band Breton have a new video out for Parthian Shot.

Guardian music gave their album War Room Stories four stars earlier this year. Now, they’re about to play a London show in December and reissued their own album last week. They clearly like doing stuff.

But, we have to ask ourselves, can their video’s face-melting visual compete with these other moments?

Band Liars’ music video for Pro Anti Anti

Rita Ora’s music video for Face Melt

Is this music? Someone, please confirm whether or not this counts as music.

Finally, that Raiders of the Lost Ark moment

This probably wins, to be fair.

Rumours of indie band Ride reforming hit yesterday (and there’ll be more on that on the Guardian music site today), but here’s the pop culture we snoozed through elsewhere:

1. Netflix have temporarily axed Bill Cosby’s standup comedy special, planned for 27 November. If that seems surprising to you, it’s worth reading this story on how several women have recently raised sexual assault allegations against him.
2. In other Netflix news, the online streaming service is apparently headed to Australia and New Zealand.
3. BBC’s Luther is going to America. Sigh. Idris Elba and Neil Cross are reportedly both cool with Fox remaking the cop show for US audiences.
4. Finally, Fox-owned channel FX is taking Tom Hardy’s BBC drama Taboo over to the US. They’re not remaking it, though. I repeat: they are not remaking it.

Do you like acoustic guitar? Do you also like sobbing? Then let Irish singer-songwriter Damien Rice’s live session video wash over you like a tide of your own salty tears.

Here he is singing Colour Me In, off his latest album My Favourite Faded Fantasy. It was made with expert beard purveyor Rick Rubin, and ticks all the usual Rice boxes. Happy he’s back? Didn’t even know he’d left (since 2006’s album 9)? Tell all, you lot.

In truly hard-hitting overnight news, the Paddington film has been branded unfit for kids without their parents present.

The Paul King film, due out in UK cinemas on Friday 28 November, apparently contains some innuendo (from – spoiler alert – one scene of cross-dressing flirtation) and “a single mumbled use of ‘bloody’,” according to the British Board of Film Classification’s report. Honestly, what is the world coming to?

It’s Tshepo here, taking over pop culture posturing duties from Sam Richards. To start us off, here’s the trailer for director Atom Egoyan’s latest (slightly terrible-looking) film, The Captive.

This teaser does little to explain a plot that Catherine Shoard, our film editor, deemed worthy of one whole star at the Cannes film festival this year. You be the judge, I guess.