Name: Ambridge Analytica.

Age: Fifteen minutes of fame.

Appearance: Pastoral supercomputer.

I’ve read about them in my personally targeted Facebook feed echo-chamber content silo. They made Donald Trump win with their hypnotic microtargeting algorithms. No. That’s Cambridge Analytica.

Yeah. Precisely. No. This is Ambridge. Ambridge Analytica. AKA @AmbAnalytica.

What’s the difference? One is a big data consultancy rumoured to be as dark as coal. The other is a spoof Twitter account by a fan of The Archers’ fictional home town.

So, which is which? Ambridge Analytica is home to gags such as: “We refute all claims of the existence of the supposed ‘big farmer’ conspiracy and our involvement in the development of the Common Agricultural Policy.”

And Cambridge Analytica? It’s hard to say without reading lots of very cognitively taxing investigative journalism.

So Ambridge Analytica isn’t going to use all my data about how many heartwarming NowThis videos of dogs in pyjamas I thumbs-up? Could be. When Kirstie Allsopp followed it, it announced: “Now you’ve retweeted we’ve just added all 400k of your followers to our database!”

But should we all delete Farmville? Almost certainly.

So there are two Analyticas? Actually, there’s also Oxford Analytica.

A ringer! If anything, Cambridge is the ringer. Oxford, founded in 1975, has been locked in a copyright dispute with Cambridge over the Analytica name since last year.

It can’t be happy. It isn’t. It has released an official statement pointing out the two are unrelated.

Does it also work the cybersurfer mainframe? No, it’s more of an international geopolitics consultancy. A bit like a bespoke copy of the Economist, pimped out to mining companies who want to know about the five-year prospects for interest-rate hikes in Bolivia.

What’s its Google reviews ranking like? A solid 4.7, compared with Cambridge Analytica’s 2.4.

Then I know which Analytica I’d give a couple million dollars of campaign contributions to. As long as there aren’t any others, of course … Well, there’s also Analytica – “a visual software environment for building, exploring, and sharing quantitative decision models”.

Confusing. And a trade fair for laboratory technology, analysis and biotechnology that has been held at Messe München every two years since 1968. Also called Analytica.

But the word itself doesn’t mean anything? Nope.

It’s probably meant to sound like “analytical”, isn’t it? Yeah, sure.

Do say: “Actually, Durham Analytica is just as good.”

Don’t say: “I’ve got a brand new contacts harvester.”