What to make of Winona Ryder and Penélope Cruz defending Johnny Depp?
Sara, by email
Two women say Depp never hurt them, ergo, he could never hurt any woman? Ah, were life only that simple. It recently emerged that Cruz – who has worked with Depp three times – filed a declaration stating that Depp is “always kind to everyone around”. Meanwhile, Ryder – who went out with him three decades ago – said in an interview: “I don’t want to call anyone a liar, but from my experience of Johnny, it is impossible to believe such horrific allegations are true.” I think you just called someone a liar, Winona.
Ryder and Cruz both know Depp personally, and it is entirely fair for them to share their personal experiences of being involved with him. But that is what those experiences are – personal – and is it really “impossible” for Ryder to believe that Depp abused his ex-wife Amber Heard, as Heard has claimed and Depp strongly denies? I would suggest that Ryder needs to expand her imagination a little here. I am delighted for her that she had such a happy relationship with Depp. But after they broke up he went out with Kate Moss and, one night in 1994, guests in New York’s Mark Hotel heard what was described as “shattering glass, snapping wood and loud domestic squabbling” . When the police turned up, Moss was sitting in a trashed room and Depp was “in a state of possible intoxication”. He was arrested for criminal mischief, a charge a judge later dismissed, and Depp paid more than $11,000 in damages to the hotel.
Now, trashing a hotel room is not the same as beating one’s wife, and 1994 was a long time ago – more’s the pity in scary 2020. But is it really “impossible to believe” that a man who once got so drunk he violently ripped apart a room with his girlfriend in it could, 25 years later, possibly get drunk and violent with his wife?
Depp is suing Heard for defamation, and has always vehemently denied abusing her, so it is entirely reasonable that his friends would speak up in his defence as character witnesses. But when I hear women say: “He didn’t beat me, ergo it’s mad to think he could have beaten his ex-wife!”, it reminds me of people such as Len McCluskey and Ken Loach, who airily insist they haven’t seen any antisemitism in the Labour party, therefore it isn’t a problem. (Oh, did you think coronavirus would shut me up on that subject? You underestimated me, dear readers.) There is something fascinatingly narcissistic in believing that one’s own individual experience reveals all: McCluskey and Loach are not Jewish; Cruz and Ryder were not recently married to Depp. So their thoughts on these respective matters are, to be blunt, of limited relevance.
No one, as the cliche goes, knows what goes on in other people’s relationships, and the only people who know the truth about Heard and Depp are Heard and Depp themselves – not the internet warriors who furiously rage in defence of their chosen idol, and not their friends. Every day, there are stories in newspapers about men who kill their children and/or wives, and they are invariably padded out with quotes from friends describing the killer as “a family man”, one who “loved his kids”, who “you’d never think would do such a thing”. Do these people not read other news stories? Or even novels? Do they not understand that people are always, endlessly, unfathomably surprising?
I was thinking about the mystery of others’ relationships when reading an interview with the chef Marcus Wareing and his wife Jane over the weekend. Now, it has to be said that Marcus Wareing doesn’t come across as most Guardian women’s dream man in the piece. Choice quotes from him include: “I asked Jane for one promise … don’t ask me to change. She’ll play Scrabble with the kids, I can’t stand that stuff. I’d rather be doing my own thing” and “I wanted Jane to be a full-time mum … I was never going to be on hand to help.” Jane adds: “I’ve lost count of the number of times he’s thrown shoes into the street.” Cue much social media tutting. And yet, the Wareings seem happy, so who are we to judge? Good luck to the Wareings, I say, with their contented division of labour, and good luck to any judge adjudicating in further Depp and Heard disputes. The world may be strange and scary right now but, honestly, let’s all thank the Lord that job doesn’t fall to us.
Post your questions to Hadley Freeman, Ask Hadley, The Guardian, Kings Place, 90 York Way, London N1 9GU. Email ask.hadley@theguardian.com
