Venue
Seeing as I invented the Death Star – well, I did in Rogue One: A Star Wars Story – I think we should hold it there. I’ll have my finger on the button and can start blowing stuff up if I don’t win every single award I’m nominated for. It’ll be a bit of a dark festival as everyone is held hostage.
Dress code
Kaecilius from Doctor Strange is in charge of the dress code. He takes his fashion cues from Venice, so expect lots of orange and fancy stuff.
Food
I play Hannibal Lecter, so he’ll do the food. He’s big into starters, so I think he’d serve his famous foie gras. Vegetarians aren’t invited.
Drink
I’ve made a film with Thomas Vinterberg called Druk [Another Round] that was selected for Cannes this year. It’s about four Danish high-school teachers who start experimenting with drink while they’re working. It’s a drama and a comedy and a tribute to life and a tribute to alcohol. So we’d drink a lot.
Film
I’ve always been fascinated by Martin Scorsese and Francis Ford Coppola, so we’d screen their movies.
Music
Rihanna wanted me to be the villain in her music video [for Bitch Better Have My Money]. I had to ask my kids: “Who’s this Rihanna girl? Is she cool?” My son was completely flabbergasted. He’s never been impressed with the Bond or the Star Wars stuff, but he was like: “Dad, I want to come with you.” She was so sweet that it was an honour to be invited into her world. So I’d invite her to play at my festival.
Performances
I was a professional dancer for a decade before I moved into acting. West Side Story is still, to this day, the coolest thing to be part of as a dancer. So I’ll put on a performance of that with some Puerto Ricans.
VIP guests
Rochefort, who I played in The Three Musketeers is very elegant. He’d love to be at any film festival, so long as he’s starring in something with Roger Federer and Lionel Messi. He’s a master with the sword, as they are with the racket and the football.
Sick tent
Every Bond villain has three nipples or something. For Casino Royale I had to wear a milk-coloured, glazed-over contact lens. We tried a billion ways to make it bleed but they went with CGI in the end. I’ve now done six films where there’s been something wrong with my eye. It’s the easiest way to make someone a bad guy. So my festival would have an optometrist on call.
• The 2020 Sarajevo film festival runs until 21 August
