Working in an office, we might see a colleague, already settled in for the day, headphones on, furrowed brow, and we would assume they have a lot going on and are up against a deadline. Or we bump into someone in the kitchen who tells you their son’s asthma has flared, and we would assume that they are tired and worried about their child.

In this new world where many of us are working at home 100% of the time, so many of those real life micro-interactions have become non-existent. Our assumptions go a long way to understanding a colleague’s context. If I’m in a meeting with one of these colleagues, and they seem distracted, I instantly have a sense that they may be stressed because of their context.

But how does this translate when we don’t get these interactions, and we’re suddenly dropped into a Teams, or Meet, or Zoom with people who are distracted? Or worse, appear frustrated, irritated? We can’t help but take it personally. We’ve not got a sense of their context. We haven’t had the chance to check in, to see how they’re doing. We get the singular dimension of this person via their face on our screen at that moment. And even if we have had started with the generic “how are you?” it’s tokenistic, and people may not be as comfortable sharing that they’re stressed or tired in this setting. Because it seems too personal for work.

I spoke to a young woman in Victoria who’s working from home and struggling with the lockdown and between big sobs, she spluttered, “I just don’t feel like anyone cares anymore. Everyone I talk to is just after their own piece of work from me and that’s it.” Of course, that’s the nature of work; people do just want their own piece of work from you, but when we interact in person, it’s less likely to feel like that. We feel connected to people. We feel part of something bigger than the transactional nature of our jobs. Shift to online? All that goodwill can fly out the window. No time for personal, it’s all business.

And therein lies the problem. Personal is what’s missing. It’s our connection and our humanity. It’s what makes us genuinely like and care for our colleagues. It’s the little interactions and sparks of communication that add up over time to give you this complete picture of who a person is, what they’ve got going on, informational clues that help us understand how best to interact with them. These sparks make us understand them and their context. In turn, it helps them understand us.

One way of turning this around is by making a point of being personal at the beginning of every virtual meeting. Andy Molinsky’s No 1 tip is “make it personal” followed by “convey warmth”. He praises the power of small talk and keeping the camera on in order to share our expressions. Oh, the humanity! Interactivity and engagement is high on the agenda. It takes more work, but is totally worth for amping up the connection factor.

For those of us working from home (for a long, long time yet, no doubt), we can be mindful of showing up to work as ourselves, not just as our roles. We can be mindful that we are all missing out priceless moments of communication with the people we work with, so let’s pause at the start of every meeting; take a moment to check in, and lead by example. Be personal and warm, share a moment, ignite a spark.

There’s also a lot to be said for one-on-one interactions with people and remembering they can take place in many forms. I am not sure whether it’s a point of pride or shame that I once managed an entire text conversation with a colleague just using gifs, but one thing is for sure: we connected in a way that might never have happened in an office, and as a result, we now know each other better than ever. Keep in mind that the introverts among us can really struggle with group conversations, but may relish opening up one-on-one. The irony of hating gatherings, but loving people, puts many of us in an unusual spot when trapped in a one-dimensional digital group-meet.

This pandemic has taken an enormous toll on people in so many different ways. Being mindful in caring for our working relationships, bringing back the sparks of humanity, is one small way we can lighten the load.

• Nicola Hannigan leads communications at the Centre for Social Impact and is based at UNSW Sydney