My whole life has been leading up to this moment. Some women dream of their wedding day or their funeral; I have dreamed of the day I get to put together a funniest things on the internet list for the Guardian. Like any highly anticipated event, I feel all at once overwhelmed with eagerness and also underprepared. But how could I be? I’ve been training for this my whole life, from the times my high school bosom buddy and I would send each other Family Guy clips via Hotmail, to all the gatherings I have wrapped up with videos titled “videos I watch at 2am to cure my IBS”. I’m always online, whether it be in the form of instructing a friend to “type in S-N-L” or dying of laughter at 3am because another news reporter was attacked by a cat on live television.
In some ways I’ll never be happy with the final product, but let this be a tile in the mosaic that is my mind. Can I divide? No. Can I really count? I sure hope not. But what I can do is send you a series of links at 4am that you can reply to a few days later with: “Sorry just saw this! Haha, too good.”
I hope these some of these bring you joy but most of all I hope some of them really upset you xx
1. Tiffany Pollard talking about Gemma Collins
Tiffany “New York” Pollard first graced our screens in the TV show Flavor of Love. A star was born. She approaches each project she’s involved in with a tenacity that can’t be matched. She’s smart, she’s funny and she’s hot. The only person who could come close to her relevance and inconality (new word for you, Mr Oxford) would be Gemma Collins. The GC, baby! And an incredible reality personality in her own right. God was smiling the day producers put the GC and New York in the Celebrity Big Brother house at the same time.
Did they ever see eye to eye? No. What are the shoes Tiffany is talking about? I have no idea. What I do know is that the moment Tiffany walked into the diary room, we as a society were never to be the same. Shakespeare was shaking as she produced the greatest monologue of our time. If I could have dinner with any three people from history it would be three Tiffany Pollards. Enjoy.
2. Cole Escola – Lorraine Was on the News!
Everything Cole does is perfect. The first time I saw one of their clips was their infamous juice commercial and, if you haven’t seen that, you’ve been living a half life. Escola is the type of performer who makes you think everything they do has been crafted to you and your tastes, they’re just that good. I could gush about Cole all day. If you’ve never heard of them before, this is the beginning of the rest of your life. This feels like when Zooey Deschanel’s character in Almost Famous leaves home and tells her brother about the collection of records under his bed.
3. Girl Defined – Untold Truths About Dressing Modestly
Girl Defined are sisters – two of like, 45, I believe – with evangelical beliefs. They take the teachings of the Bible and just muck around and see what happens, with little experience and a confidence most people could only ever dream of.
Their videos are incredible. Do they love each other or hate each other? What we do know from their videos is that they’re not attracted to their husbands and they think that, if you wanna wear a tank top, you’re probably gonna go to hell, hun! I love this video in particular because even though, years later, they agreed that the messaging in it is harmful and they no longer believe what they were preaching about blouses or skirts or whatever, they refuse to take the video down. Most of my funny things are on YouTube and, baby, YouTube would be nothing without the fundamentalists.
4. A Les Misérables wedding flashmob
OK this one is stunning. My good friend Cat Finch introduced me to the world of wedding flashmobs a few years ago and I’ve never looked back, except to check if there is a big band getting into formation behind me. Every wedding video on YouTube has something to love and something to hate. What I love about this one is the tiny mother who has gifted this experience to the bride and groom. Before the song begins, she says: “You’ll get to the end of today and you will have wished it has lasted … ONE … DAY … MOWA” (read in a New York accent.) At this point one of the hired flashees grabs the mic JUST IN TIME to sing One Day More from Les Misérables.
I love this. Why this song? Because it’s epic and it’s fun and people pop up all over the place. It’s a great song for a flashmob. Sure, it contains the lyric “we’ll be ready for those school boys, they will wet themselves with blood” but you know what they say … “Something red, something blue, something borrowed THEY WILL WET THEMSELVES WITH BLOOD.”
5. Saturday Night Live – Romano Tours
When something is funny and sad, I’m in heaven. I am an SNL girlie, sue me. There are so many clips I could recommend. Wells for Boys, Totinos, It Doesn’t Get Better. This one with Adam Sandler really got me good, though. I am a huge fan of The Sopranos and when Tony says: “There’s no geographical solution to a geographical problem,” I stopped breathing. It was perfect. This clip is what happens when someone makes a sketch out of that line.
6. Innocent men
Look. I have no idea. It just makes me laugh every time.
We’re just innocent men.
7. Hot Department – Sad Women
I love Hot Department’s fast-paced choreography and their ass cheeks, but what I love most about them is how they write sad women with sad lives. When I saw this clip from their series Dark Web, I ceased to exist.
If you love Call the Midwife or any other show where a British woman tells a horrific story and it ends with two girls riding bikes off a cliff or something, you’re gonna love this sketch. Remember what I said about Zooey Deschanel and the records? Same thing here. Rhys Nicholson is a nun! How gay!
8. A bride singing her way down the aisle
Fellow comedian and IRA informant Emma Holland sent this clip to me. Full credit to the boys here, because this is a winner. I’m not making fun of this woman, I want to be her. To sing all the way down the aisle and then have your father join in for a phrase or two and THEN TAKE OVER AGAIN? Perfection. Rumour has it that she got all the guests to leave so the acoustics would be better. So don’t feel too bad for her, she has mates. They are just outside, like, having a chat? I love this woman. I dream of her every night. She’s my sleep paralysis demon and my uncle. She raises me up.
9. WHY HELLO, JILL
WHY HELLO, JILL. There’s a popular joke on TikTok that involves the phrase “the woman was too stunned to speak”. And Jill was. This tiny woman on the brink of death? Best get celebrity chef Ainsley Harriott to barge in singing: “WHY HELLO, JILL!” Jill’s heart can definitely take it. Don’t feel too bad for her though, she got a bunch of free shit and a free meal cooked by Ainsley himself. Plus the NHS is so good over there.
10. It’s Me or the Dog
The premise of this show is simple: it’s me OR the dog. A trainer comes into the save a relationship, of any kind, that is being harmed by an unruly dog. In this case a couple who, with Satan on their side, created a pair of labrador great dane crosses to destroy the life of their teenage son. The way he talks about his parents making gourmet meals for the dogs is great but my favourite part is how the father has absolutely no control over the dogs when he walks them. Limbs are flying everywhere. He looks as though he’s been put in a washing machine during a tornado. I love it. You will love it. I die laughing every time.
Jordan Barr is supporting Hannah Gadsby for her Body of Work show at the Arts Centre Melbourne, 9-11 September. She is also performing in the Antipodes Theatre Company’s production of The Humans at Meat Market Stables, which has been postponed from September due to Covid.
