Hello, I’m new here, though you might know me from the other place. The sun is shining in the sky, there ain’t a cloud in sight, I’m here for good humour and polite social media intercourse. Thanks for the starter pack. Welcome, then, to Bluesky, where the algorithm isn’t jammed hard-right, the self-policing not too strong-arm, though there was that strange chap who listed the schools everyone attended.
After the Twitterectomy (to use Nick Cave’s indelicate term for this liberal migration) to a promised land where Elon Musk doesn’t quote-tweet articles on the Great Replacement Theory as being “interesting”. Now, how would this new Xanadu shape up when placed into the hottest kiln of public debate known to humankind? Forget geopolitics and burning social issues, forget even Donald Trump, the truest test is a Premier League weekend.
The low-mood agony of an international break had heightened anticipation while allowing further time for social media migrants crossing the great divide. Did we revive the spirit of 2011, legacy Twitter’s breakthrough year, those high times of Follow Friday, everyone cracking on famously, apart from the odd pile-on? Thinking back, those got pretty nasty, especially on football Twitter.
So far, so friendly and cuddly, perhaps a little too antiseptic, though that seems a necessary step. Everyone’s older, and if not wiser they know how things can turn. Reading X replies now is a glance into a seething well of bile and misinformation. On Bluesky right now there’s the novelty of not having your appearance, hated profession and/or bias come up in the replies. The hidden reply that revealed either vile abuse or the Telegram address for a betting scam you still always clicked on will not be missed.
Social media is best – and funniest – when feeding off events, and the footballing weekend duly delivered. Manchester City’s latest defeat brought a smattering of Bluesky “bald fraud” jibes at under-pressure failure Pep Guardiola after Saturday’s 4-0 defeat by Tottenham. “I think Manchester got rid of the wrong bald fraud” was one example; Erik ten Hag endures as a meme.
Back to the old house where hysteria continues to reign and, in truth, much of the better material still resides. A fair few X-ers hit the mark with gags about legal challenges to City’s five-game losing run. Meanwhile one aggregator account went fully off at the deep end, demanding Kyle Walker’s exile to “China or Saudi”, and declaring “[Phil] Foden’s decline should be studied at Oxford”. Bluesky is not yet a battleground for City’s actual legal issues, where X has become a happy place for those who get their kicks from associated party transactions and shareholder loans. Should that situation develop, as is expected with City’s Premier League charges any day now, it can only be expected to blossom within the new surroundings.
Another dependable content driver is refereeing, tinfoil hats readily donned in the belief that every official is against your club. Musk’s plaything features a number of specialists in this area, with one prolific account compiling a multi-tweet dossier on Adrian Holmes, the referee’s assistant who denied Arsenal a goal in Saturday’s … checks notes … 3-0 victory over Nottingham Forest. Over on Bluesky, Holmes received no such mentions. Beyond a few grumbles over a Bukayo Saka booking, Arsenal fans were happy to celebrate an important win. For now, wild conspiracies remain largely confined to the mothership rather than the escape pod.
Still, on Sunday, when Liverpool conceded a debatable penalty against Southampton, the name of Michael Oliver, the VAR decision-maker, was taken in vain on both platforms. One Blueskyer, rather inexplicably, screamed: “I am 54 and have never seen a penalty like that given.” Nobody went quite as far as the X user who declared penalty takers should not be allowed to score rebounds. Anyway, all was soon well among Liverpool fans. “Mo Salah is the best player in the world right now,” hooted a Bluesky user, though complaints arose that the Egyptian King’s yellow card for celebratory disrobing had cost Fantasy Premier League points.
Which left Manchester United, faded grandeur repurposed in the last decade into a pathos-laden soap opera best depicted by a series of viral memes: the other Andrew Tate, Rio Ferdinand’s “Man Utd are back, man,” any number of managerial mock-ups. Ruben Amorim’s bow at Ipswich and United’s 81-second opening goal brought much snark along the lines of United being “back”, and as performance levels dropped and Ipswich got a deserved draw sarcasm was further employed as a safety blanket: “Amorim out”. A series of earnest discussions over which players fit a 3-4-3 formation represented the cold wind of reality, before some old-fashioned – fully deserved – vitriol was retained for Ed Sheeran’s leering cameo on Sky Sports’ broadcast.
So, a softish rollout. If the bite once enjoyed on the abandoned hellscape is missing, edges blunted, things will sharpen up soon enough. After all, what is social media other than a cracked mirror to humankind? Just go easy on those pile-ons.
