Hello readers. Welcome to your personalised tour of my internet history brainrot. Here, you will not find wisdom, you will not find solace, you won’t even find your second set of work keys you lost four months ago and have been lying to HR about.
You will, however, find an eclectic collection of chronically online content to brighten your day, keep your existential ennui at bay and your eyelashes firmly glued in place. Let this be your alternative to that fifth cup of coffee you’re about to drink to get through your afternoon teaching year 9 maths, or a balm to your sore buttocks where the nurse injected you with your tri-monthly testosterone dose … Yes, I am aware I’m doing too much with my life. No further questions, please!
1. The Pepe the Prawn photo trend
This list could not have been published without a Muppets reference, as I’m 60% water, 80% Muppet and minus 40% mathematically capable. This particular Pepe gem takes the form of a recurring nightmare I experience about once a week as a teacher.
2. Säd beige childrün – Halloween edition
As a drag artist I love all things ooky and spooky, and nothing says TERROR better than the inevitable march of time. And Steiner schoolchildren in linen.
3. Suzy Eddie Izzard – cake or death?
Mum, dad and non-binary parent figure to me, Suzy Eddie Izzard has been my comic inspiration since I was a teen and the reason I feel comfy wearing skirts as a trans man. Not to be sincere on main, but I’m hoping she’ll read this and return my calls.
4. Kazoo the cat gets a bath
Kazoo the cat is my internal self. My therapist calls this my “vulnerable child” but I like to call it my inner musical genius.
5. “Chicken ELIZABETH Nugget!!”
Look, we all have a problematic fave. That friend who exasperates us as much as they bring us joy. We pick up their 2am FaceTime, never knowing if it will be a forehead kiss goodnight or live footage of them hiding pieces of fruit around their ex’s house. For this woman that problematic fave is four horses and a donkey.
6. Is a sighthound right for you?
One of my 2025 resolutions is to get a dog. This informative, educational video really helped me decide on a dog that reflects both my fashion sense and my love of unsettling people.
7. Mushroom art
Mushrooms are the fashionistas of the natural world and I will not be convinced otherwise. Number three in particular is giving ✨versatility ✨
8. Maga fashion parade
The right has unwittingly discovered drag and I am SO here for it. Whatever it takes to bring us closer together as a society.
9. AI ballet
People have been worrying about AI being the death of creative jobs but, honestly, I’d LOVE to see a ballet like this.
10. Live footage of my favourite sports team
Usually when I write my shows, I aim my comedic chops squarely at the overlap of “smart”, “dry” and “excessively wordy”. But deep down I love nothing more than the stupid delight of watching people get smacked in the face with wet campfire sausages.
Florian Wild is the creator and star of the cabaret show MONSTER, playing at Chapel Off Chapel from 29 January to 2 February as a part of Midsumma festival
