Incoherent, inelegantly choreographed and shot with a colour palette reminiscent of one of those noxious American Candy Stores that have popped up all over London like an outbreak of herpes, this Valentine-themed martial arts action picture is one of the worst of the year so far.

The first feature from stunt coordinator turned director Jonathan Eusebio, Love Hurts cannibalises the John Wick/Nobody premise of a man forced to revisit the violent life and the skill set he has renounced, and adds a touch of self-conscious Everything Everywhere All at Once quirkiness, courtesy of lead actor (and EEAAO Oscar-winner) Ke Huy Quan. He plays Marvin, a former assassin who has found fulfilment as a cookie-baking realtor in the greater Milwaukee area. Dismal.

• In UK and Irish cinemas