Boys used to be raised by their parents. Now, as they grow up, an increasing number are coming under the influence of toxic online figures who push a hollow, misogynistic version of masculinity. This isn’t helping their character or their relationships. But it does work for a digital world where worth is measured in money, status and appearance. Girls have long seen their mental health suffer from social media comparisons and phone addiction. But that doesn’t make it any less troubling now that boys are being similarly affected.
In his Richard Dimbleby lecture for the BBC, Sir Gareth Southgate made a cogent case that young men are being failed by modern society – not just by absent role models, but by a culture that doesn’t acknowledge failure and vulnerability while exposing them to damaging digital influences. Without real-life guidance, they can withdraw, becoming reluctant to talk or unable to express their emotions. Boys can fall into an unhealthy world of gaming, gambling and pornography.
This void, the former England football manager warned, is also being filled by “callous, manipulative and toxic influencers whose sole drive is for their own gain”. They trick young men into believing that success is measured by money or emotionless dominance. That seems hard to refute – and is affecting society for the worse. Polls suggest men and women belonging to gen Z are more polarised than any other generation on questions about feminism, gender roles and women’s rights – with a clear increase in sexist attitudes. There must be a concerted effort to reverse such trends.
That boys are now more likely to own a smartphone than to live with their dad is striking. Politicians, enamoured with hi-tech progress, must reckon with the impact: it’s now easier to connect to a global network than to build a local community, easier to consume endless content than to find real-world mentors.
Encouraging boys to be resilient, empathetic and capable of real relationships requires investment in families, schools and youth clubs that foster connection. They need space to be themselves – and the confidence to reject the empty validation of a social media feed. Resilience isn’t innate; it’s built through experience, effort and good example.
If literature – as evidenced by the young adult novels on the Carnegie medal shortlist – is beginning to explore the struggles of young boys, mainstream entertainment is exploring a darker narrative. The Netflix drama Adolescence, about a teenage boy accused of murder, has had the country – from the prime minister down – glued to their screens. While the show has rightfully garnered rave reviews, boys should not be seen as dangerous or inherently suspect – they are children who need care and support just as much as girls do.
Apple’s iPhone arrived in 2007. Mobile social media apps followed, offering access and unimaginable connections to a new generation. But they didn’t just change masculinity – they monetised it. Instead of mentors, boys get marketers; instead of guidance, they get grifters; instead of role models, they get algorithms. Sir Gareth stressed the need to create a world where young people feel valued beyond just success. Because when society worships wealth and power, it is the young who suffer most from knowing they have neither.
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