It was a popular opinion that 2016 was an awful year in terms of geopolitics, celebrity deaths, and the planet being ravaged by greed, online idiocy and so on. But then 2017 came along and clambered atop the podium. Here are just a few of the things we’ll be glad to see the back of going into 2018.
Harvey Weinstein
And every other sexual predator exposed this year. All 800 of them. Or at least, I hope to be glad to see the back of them. Weinstein was sacked from the company he co-founded, and stripped of his Academy membership, but those guilty of poor behaviour have a way of creeping back into the public sphere, often without proper repentance.
Louis CK
And can I just revel specifically in another predatory male’s downfall, a man who – in addition to repeatedly masturbating in front of women – was NEVER FUNNY and yet somehow won all the plaudits and was revered by comedians the world over. HE WAS NEVER FUNNY. I am fine with dark jokes about uncomfortable topics, but CK was clearly a douche from the beginning. To wit, the clip in which he bullies an audience member (possibly a set-up, not that it matters) and says: “Can you just die of Aids?”
Fidget spinners
May they spin off into the distance and never return – just like hoverboards in 2016. The only vaguely interesting thing about fidget spinners was the rather tragic story of the woman who invented them years ago but couldn’t afford to renew the patent, earning zero money for her creation.
The ‘first stage’ of Brexit talks
These talks dragged on so long that I managed to move house and acquire a dog in the meantime. Finally, as of Theresa May’s last-minute dash to Brussels, like a student sliding in with their homework at the last second, the first stage talks are “finished”. Except they are not really finished at all because literally nothing was sorted out.
#NuggsForCarter
This was the hashtag started by teenager Carter Wilkerson, whose tweet requesting free chicken nuggets from the US fast food chain Wendy’s didn’t just go viral, it became the most retweeted tweet of 2017 in the UK and (and got endless free publicity for Wendy’s). The awfulness of people actually buying merchandise based on this tweet was offset by the fact Wilkerson classily donated some of the profits to charity.
HELP ME PLEASE. A MAN NEEDS HIS NUGGS pic.twitter.com/4SrfHmEMo3
— Carter Wilkerson (@carterjwm) April 6, 2017
Millennial pink
I actually like the shade known as “millennial pink” – but why ruin it with this description? While we’re at it, could the entire world stop blaming millennials for everything that isn’t our fault? And is actually the previous-but-one generation’s fault. (It is though.)
iOS 11’s first iteration
iPhones crashed, slowed to the pace of kerb crawlers, automatically turned on Bluetooth (is this 2005?), and typing “I” resulted in an odd square and a question mark. I cannot think of a worse first release of an operating system, mobile or otherwise, than iOS 11. Plus all I want for Christmas is for the night shift mode to move back to the accessible menu, thank you.
Trivago woman
Part of me thinks this advert was so banal it was a stroke of social media genius, as the woman on the Trivago billboards became a viral topic by virtue of being everywhere but at the same time having zero presence. Trivago woman followed you around like a gallery attendant, creeping up just as you’re about to break the no photos rule. Trivago even capitalised on her popularity by publishing a fact sheet on the actress. I might actually miss her ubiquity and button-down Oxford shirt – she has been haunting us, it turns out, since 2015, but it feels like she’s been there for all of time.
Atrocity
The Rohingya population being raped, murdered and driven out of Myanmar. Assad continuing to bomb and torture Syrian civilians. Yemen torn to bits by civil war and a Saudi intervention while its children starve to death. It would be really great if 2018 saw less slaughter.
Everyone tweeting “let that sink in”
We get it. The world has turned to trash – it has already sunk in. Just look at the entry before this one. And the EU referendum result. And Donald Trump – DONALD TRUMP – being inaugurated as president of the United States. Props to the person who dreamed up this image, though.
let that sink in pic.twitter.com/tXldgdpYZE
— venus (@iambreara) December 10, 2017
Steve Bannon
Steve Bannon looks like a sweet that has been in your back pocket and sat on three thousand times, and is now just whiskery mush. This would be fine, if what came out of his mouth wasn’t just as grim. Blessedly, since Bannon left the White House in August we’ve heard less from him. But he’s back at Breitbart, still stoking the culture wars.
Mother!
The film-maker Darren Aronofsky’s biblical parable was excruciating. Two-thirds of the way in and mother! made me wish I had never been born. One review read: “This delusional freak show is two hours of pretentious twaddle … I hesitate to label it the ‘worst movie of the year’ when ‘worst movie of the century’ fits it even better.” After it was booed at the Venice film festival, Paramount even came out to publicly defend the film following awful audience ratings. My good colleague Peter Bradshaw enjoyed it, however, which is something I will be taking up with him.
Marriage inequality in Australia
I did sort of think this postal referendum was a waste of time and money, since it was non-binding, but it was super cheering that 62% of Aussies supported same-sex marriage, and this has paved the way for the historic bill that has now passed and will amend the Marriage Act. It also gave us this remarkable television interview with politician Bob Katter:
This is now my favourite political segue of all time & it’s doubtful I’ll ever stop laughing. pic.twitter.com/uq9EDJUU7E
— Hannah Jane Parkinson (@ladyhaja) November 20, 2017
‘Unicorn’ lattes
Look, if I had to list all the absurd food trends of 2017 I’d be here for longer than Mother! lasted, which was something approaching 9,000 hours. But a mention must go to “unicorn” coffees and bagels – exactly the same as their non-unicorn counterparts, but multicoloured. Thanks to unicorn food products I not only considered deleting my Instagram, but also purging several people from my life. A return to normal food in 2018, please.
Confederate flags
At a far-right rally in Charlottesville, Virginia, an anti-Nazi protester was killed after being run down. If these hideous far-right rallies have achieved anything, it’s fresh impetus in the push for the removal of Confederate flags and monuments, after South Carolina removed its capitol building flag back in 2015. Many others have followed suit in 2017, including the Six Flags theme parks. All remaining Confederate flags should follow in 2018.
Gypsy
If Gypsy passed you by, then all I can say is, congratulations. Netflix has made a name for itself with its original programming, including Orange Is the New Black, but Gypsy was so bad, despite a quality duo in lead Naomi Watts and director Sam Taylor-Johnson. The premise was a lesbian-curious therapist who became obsessed with the girlfriend of one of her clients, except that their sexual chemistry had the frisson of a sexual health clinic waiting room. Gypsy was duly cancelled. (I recommend Mindhunter instead).
Robert Mugabe
BYE M8. It’s been fun despotic.
- Hannah Jane Parkinson is a Guardian writer
