Christine Quinn would like everyone to know that Cynthia Nixon is an “unqualified lesbian”. You see Nixon, who is best known for her role in Sex and the City, hasn’t completed the training required before one can apply for a highly coveted lesbian licence. This means she has no business running for political office. The very idea is outrageous!
Quinn, who is best known for her role as a sore loser in the 2013 New York mayor race, made these comments to the New York Post on Tuesday, shortly after Nixon announced she was going to be challenging sitting governor Andrew Cuomo in September’s Democratic primary. Cuomo, of course, is best known for his role in ensuring the New York subway remains the most dysfunctional mass transit system in the world.
Clearly Quinn never takes the subway, however, because she is supporting Cuomo in re-election and is very angry Nixon would have the temerity to throw herself into the race.
“Cynthia Nixon was opposed to having a qualified lesbian become mayor of New York City,” Quinn told the Post. “Now she wants an unqualified lesbian to be the governor of New York.” One surmises from this that Quinn may still feel a tad resentful that Nixon didn’t support her back in 2013.
After all, rule No 475 in the Complete Lesbian Handbook states that you must unequivocally support everyone who shares your sexual orientation even if you don’t agree with their policies. But, obviously, Nixon hasn’t read up on that.
When I first heard the news about Nixon’s foray into politics her queer qualifications weren’t the first thing on my mind. So, I am thankful to Quinn for reminding me to get angry about it.
The problem with today’s super-speed news cycle is that you can sometimes miss an opportunity to get outraged. This severely limits your opportunity to jump on Twitter or Facebook (although I guess we’re not doing that any more) and explain to everyone why your righteous anger means you are much better than everyone else.
As a public service then, I’ve rounded up a few other important issues you might want to get outraged about this week.
Marlon Bundo is unqualified to be a gay bunny
There are currently two books about bunnies on the bestseller list. One is by Charlotte Pence, the daughter of Vice-President Mike Pence. It features the family rabbit and is called Marlon Bundo’s Day in the Life of the Vice President. This would be cute if it wasn’t for the fact that it helps humanize a man with terrifying views who wants to disenfranchise women and minorities.
The other book was released by John Oliver. It’s a parody of the Pence publication in which Marlon Bundo is gay. The book is a fun way to make a point about Pence’s vile views on same-sex relationships and all the proceeds go to two good causes: the Trevor Project and Aids United. Great, right?
Wrong. If you derive even the smallest amount of amusement from Oliver’s book you are a simpleton and probably a homophobe. “Why is the rabbit, gay exactly?” demanded a Slate article, explaining why Oliver’s bunny book is bad.
“Bunnies can’t be gay, not in the sense that makes you a target of hatred and oppression; that’s only for humans.” The writer goes on to explain that “living as a real live gay person in the Trump era is not very funny – in fact, it’s by turns terrifying and exhausting.”
I am also a real live gay person living in the Trump era and I confess I hadn’t realized that I ought to be so angry about this bunny book. But Slate is right. Marlon Bundo is unqualified to be a homosexual rabbit; the idea is utterly outrageous and frankly quite offensive.
Jordan Peterson is being oppressed again
Speaking of a lack of qualifications, I would like to remind everyone that there does not exist a human on this earth qualified to criticize Jordan Peterson. You see Peterson, the controversial Toronto professor who seems to have become a god among not-very-intelligent men, is the most cerebral man in the world, and if you think he is a pretentious bigot you clearly don’t have the intellect to understand him.
Such was the substance of a series of extremely angry tweets fired off by Peterson this week in response to a critical article in the New York Review of Books by Panjak Mishra.
Peterson is always telling people that they must “toughen up” and not take offence, but clearly Mishra’s review was far too offensive to ignore. But don’t worry, Peterson put the guy in his place. “And you call me a fascist?” he tweeted at Mishra. “You sanctimonious prick. If you were in my room at the moment, I’d slap you happily.” Very intellectual insult that. Very smart man, Peterson. The absolute smartest.
Unpatriotic passports will be the ruin of Britain
Finally, I take you to the UK, where a heated debate about passports is going on. The post-Brexit passport is going to be a very British shade of blue; a real win for patriots who have long been horrified by the passport’s current red hues. However, it seems this new passport will be made by a Franco-Dutch firm.
This is an absolute outrage and the Daily Mail devoted half its front page on Friday to a banner asking Britain’s ruling class “Why DO you hate our country, its history, culture and the people’s sense of identity?” It’s a difficult question with no easy answers. Probably someone should ask Jordan Peterson.
