There’s not a dull moment in When Harry Met Sally, Nora Ephron and Rob Reiner’s 1989 classic, which has become the apotheosis of the romcom. Every detail in the film is to be savoured: the golden leaves of Central Park. Billy Crystal’s apartment. Meg Ryan’s glasses. The sweaters! Oh, the sweaters!
It’s not exactly a groundbreaking choice, so much so that I’m almost embarrassed to call it my “feelgood movie”. Calling When Harry Met Sally a perfect comfort film is like calling pizza the perfect comfort food. It’s hardly discerning or original.
But as with all comforts, it’s never simply about the thing itself. There’s always a story, some personal reason why that particular work of art compels you to return to it time and time again.
My relationship to When Harry Met Sally started when I was 11. I dreaded Monday mornings – that stomach-dropping feeling when you realise that it is indeed morning and yes, you do have to go to school. Just the anticipation of that feeling would fill Sunday evenings with dread.
In my bedroom, I had an old box TV with an in-built VHS player. By the time I started high school in 2008, VHS tapes were already out of fashion; DVDs and Blu-rays were how most people watched films at home. But our house was full of VHS tapes. (I loved that Sally alphabetised her videotapes on index cards. And yes, reader, I soon started alphabetising our family tapes.)
I made my way through the VHS tapes we had in our house, the way more precocious children ransack the local library. One evening, I picked up When Harry Met Sally. I remember the colours on the box were dull and faded. But as soon as the stylish opening credits started, with the jazzy piano rendition of It Had to Be You playing over them, I was hooked.
Soon after, I was watching When Harry Met Sally almost every Sunday evening over the course of a year. Sometimes I gave the film my full attention; other times, I had it on in the background as I did other things. It was just a comfort knowing it was there. Rewinding the tape back to the beginning was a cherished part of the weekly ritual. I’ve since watched the film countless times on a variety of formats, but I always think back to those Sunday evenings, watching the VHS cross-legged on my bedroom floor.
At its heart, When Harry Met Sally is a fantasy movie. Not just in its insistence that heterosexual men and women can never be friends without sex rearing its randy head in the way, but in the lifestyle it depicts: healthy, good-looking Manhattanites who live in beautiful apartments, wear gorgeous outfits, and whose major worries (Harry’s hypochondria notwithstanding) are matters of the heart and not, say, how the next rent will be paid.
To me at 11, When Harry Met Sally represented a life worth fantasising about: I wanted to go on roadtrips; I couldn’t drive. (Still can’t.) I wanted to live in Manhattan, not Lancashire. (Still don’t.) I wanted to fall in love. (Eventually did, though after some years of trial and error.) I knew Harry’s cynicism and arrogance weren’t to be admired, but otherwise I wanted his life: when you realise you want to spend the rest of your life as a New York-based political consultant who reads Stephen King novels in fancy chairs in even fancier apartments, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.
Part of the film’s brilliance comes from the supporting cast: Carrie Fisher as Marie and Bruno Kirby as Jess, Harry and Sally’s best friends who develop their own romance. Marie and Jess provide the film’s best lines (yes, better than “I’ll have what she’s having”). Jess, during a frustrating game of Pictionary, pleads with Sally: “Draw something resembling anything!” And Fisher delivers a line for the ages in New York’s Shakespeare & Co bookstore: “Someone is staring at you in Personal Growth.”
I sometimes ask myself whether I should love When Harry Met Sally as much as I do. I mean, isn’t the film a bit reductive when it comes to gender? Maybe. Yet at the same time, it’s a romantic comedy that’s actually romantic and actually funny, something few romcoms can boast today. But the reason it’s my feelgood film is because I discovered it at a time when I needed it most. To borrow Sally’s words: When Harry Met Sally, you may have provided an unrealistic template for life, but it’s impossible for me to hate you.
When Harry Met Sally is available to rent digitally in the US and UK
